When it comes to communication, I think there are two kinds
of people in this world, people who express and people who repress. People who cannot help but speak their minds
and others who stuff their sentiments deep down inside. I am definitely part of the suppressed,
stifled and internalize-r club. I might
be the team caption.
This being said, I think it is curious that I find
communication and language study to be mesmerizing. This year in grad
school I was introduced to the world of pragmatics- the study of the use of
language and the context in which it is used.
It is a broad field that investigates the transmission of meaning
through language, verbal and non-verbal as well as face-to-face and via the
computer. It encompasses the
relationship of the speakers, the intent of the speaker, the environment in
which the communication occurs, and so on.
One topic in pragmatics that intrigues me is evasion. In speech, evasiveness occurs when the answer
to a question is irrelevant or simply does not answer the question. Some one asks you how your job is going and
you say, "My cat did the craziest thing the other day!" or you simply
state, "Let's not talk about my job."
While the strategies involved in the responses are different, the
message is the same. The person is
avoiding the question and THAT is when things get interesting.
So that got me thinking, if we regularly evade responding to
direct questions, how much else are we avoiding in our lives? One of the yamas, the personal practices of
yoga is satya- truth in thought, word and deed.
So just as in pragmatics where the how and why of evasion is studied, I
think it is important to study what we are evading in all areas of our
lives. If we don't look at what we are
avoiding, whether that is problems at work, in our bodies, with our friends and
family, with our finances, we are not really practicing satya. This is a fierce practice. So brave up!
Obviously, I am continually working on communicating with
honesty and kindness rather than burying my emotions and problems. I am lucky to have relationships that have
helped me along the way. Those who know
me best can often be heard saying things like, "I cannot read your
mind", "Talk to me" or
"What is wrong?". And I am
doing my best to talk. I'm doing my best
to look into those dark places that I try to avoid with love and a whole lot of
compassion. It's a process. But I know the benefits that have come to me
when I've faced my fears in the past, and that's what keeps me motivated. Maybe someday, I'll even give up evasion.
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